Should husbands and fathers work in the home, after work?

I have been seeing this topic A LOT lately…

Mostly titles like “When another SAHM friend tells me that her husband doesn’t help take care of the kids after work”, and things along those lines.

Well, I have thoughts…

So, if you’re a stay at home mom and your husband works out of the house full time, should he help you in the house and with the kids once he gets home?

In my opinion, yes and no.

Let me explain…

THE NO

Being a stay at home mom is your job. That means you should have a schedule like a job, and get those things done on schedule, like a job.

Part of this job is picking up mess, cleaning, feeding kids, dressing kids, having activities for them during the day, etc… You get it.

If you you’re complaining that your husband isn’t helping you when he gets home from work with the things you were suppose to do and get done, but didn’t, you need to either start prioritizing your schedule and take it serious, OR, start a schedule!

When you have a job outside of the home, do you expect your boss to come in and just start doing your job? No, because it’s your job.

Now before you start blowing a gasket, let me explain the yes part…

THE YES

YES, he should “help” because he loves you, he loves the family you made together, and having children together makes “helping” an obligation. BUT because he loves you, it’s more then an obligation. It’s a want and a desire.

In my opinion, if the father to your children walks through that door everyday, and walks right passed you and the kids that you share and raise together, with no hugs, kisses, words, excitement, or affection, that’s a problem. 

In my opinion, if that is what is happening, he’s going about his everyday duties by obligation, and not by love, and that’s a conversation you both need to have.

When Erik (my boyfriend and children’s father) comes home from working from 12:30 am-sometimes 2 pm (or later because he also works a side job right after), I don’t expect him to start straightening up, washing the floors that I didn’t get to yet, or clean the toilet (although if I ASKED him to help me with those things, he would).

But, I DO expect him to acknowledge me and his children with love. Laying in bed or on the couch with the kids, watching a movie together after a long day working overnight, even if he falls asleep, that, in itself, is “helping” to me.

It’s showing me and the kids “you matter, and even after being out of the house working in a factory all day, I still have energy and desire to be with you, and help you with anything you need.”

SO WHAT’S THE REAL ISSUE HERE?

So, I guess the real issue at hand here is, ‘is he WILLING to “help” after work, when needed?’ rather then, ‘DOES he help after work…’

But if he’s not willing, if need be, that’s a issue I think needs to be discussed between the two of you as to WHY.

BE UNDERSTANDING… AND WHAT MATTERS MOST

Now, I am blessed beyond measure being able to be a SAHM. I appreciate it so much, and I absolutely love it. It doesn’t feel like work to me.

I can do this all day, without a break and I really don’t mind.

I have no desire to work a out-of-the-house, “traditional” job. Every job I have ever had, I absolutely hated. I was constantly stressed all day long, and sometimes would just cry on my “breaks.” So I am extremely thankful to Erik, allowing me to provide inside the home, while he provides financially outside.

Now while Erik likes his job, he doesn’t love it. It FEELS like a job.

I know the feeling going home after a job, that FEELS like work.

So if Erik came home every day in a crummy mood, not wanting to give any more of himself, I honestly would understand it, because that was me.

But the fact that he doesn’t, and NEVER brings work home with him, and that it’s always all about us when he gets home, means the world. And THAT is what I think matters most.

LIFE ISN’T ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL

If your life doesn’t look like what the TikTok creator that “just cant understand how her friends husband doesn’t help with the kids after work”, wants you to THINK her life is like, it doesn’t matter.

My advise is to look at your current situation and your family’s lifestyle, and stop watching TikTok’s, instagram reels, and reading blogs, like this, on this topic.

Analyze your own life. Does what you’re doing work? Are you all happy? Is there love in the home? That’s what matters.

You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s opinions. Because that’s all this is… opinion.

Life isn’t one-size-fits-all.